when it rains, it pours. and then you're waiting around for rainbows like some kind of jackass.*

I slept in on Friday, just because I could finally let my body relax. I had seriously been a mess of nerves and tension and stress, and I hadn’t eaten or slept very much since Monday. You know it’s bad when I can’t eat or sleep. I love both of those things! They’re both favorites.

I packed up all my crap and hauled it to meet Ro at her office – we got lunch from Pret and ate it in Bryant Park. It was LOVELY. And then she walked me to the subway and directed me to the Megabus stop and I made my way home. And then we realized we both forgot that I still had her house keys. Oops. Never fear, her roommate was also visiting DC and they were returned to her and made their way safely back to NYC and to Rosa’s loving and responsible hands, and god willing, never mine ever again. Sorry Ro!

Oh, also, I checked my email on my phone randomly, and my NYC interviewer had requested references and a writing sample. I was BACK IN THE GAME!

Anyway, it’s here I’ll apologize AGAIN for not mentioning a trip to NYC, or even the initial good news/progress of the 2nd interview. Even though it went well, and I was excited and initially went back into my NEW YORK STATE OF MIND (oh my GOD, just stop reading. And stop being friends with me. I’m even disgusted with myself for making that joke. But I’m keeping it because I keep it real, you all need to know the real me) – ahem – I still knew better, and I knew I wasn’t out of the woods yet. Anything could happen and there was something bugging at me, telling me there were more unforeseen hurdles. I knew there were plenty of dream-crushing opportunities left in this situation.

So I did my best to enjoy the weekend, I met Lesley down at Potomac Mills to shop and have dinner; it’s the last time I will see her for a while because she is moving to Fort Collins, CO with a friend of hers. No job, just looking for a change of scenery, packing it up and moving out there. I’m so impressed by that. Even with the potential NYC thing, it’s only because I was in the process of getting a job. I don’t think I have the balls to just move somewhere on hope and determination. I admire people that do.

On Monday I had lunch with a friend/former coworker in DC, who was also one of my references. Still feeling optimistic.

On Tuesday, I went to Kelley’s parents house to hang out with her, her fam, and the boys. In the back of my head, I knew I should be finding out something, or hearing from at least one of my references. I chose to ignore this and decided that Wednesday, Wednesday was the Day. If I didn’t know then it would be over.

On Wednesday, I don’t think I did much other than start to panic and create scenarios in which I might still have the job. I wanted to grasp at denial with all my might just a little bit longer. Forget Wednesday! Friday, Friday is the Day.

On Thursday I had to pull the biggest douche move that this millennium will ever see. I made the craptastic decision that I couldn’t go to Ben and Jess’ wedding, due to finances and “just waiting one more day” and another reason that will come in Part Three. (a Trilogy! You’ll laugh, you’ll cry. You’ll stop reading halfway through because it’s boring)

Today I got The Email. The breakup email. I didn’t get the job. It confirmed what I already knew, and since I spent Thursday being sad, today I moved on to being angry. And then found a nice little cocoon in which I can bitch about how I didn’t really want that job anyway, so THERE, etc.

The crazy thing is, that last one might be less cocoon-induced (that sounds…gross) and more real. I was most excited about this job because:

1. Exciting, fast-paced move to New York
2. The company is really cool, and in the arts
3. It was A job.

It wasn’t THE job. And please note that THE job is not something I’m still holding out for, because, after eight months of job searching, my sense of entitlement is not that strong. It’s admittedly stronger than it should be, but I understand compromise and sacrifice and I acknowledge the necessity of both.

Foreshadowing! : Tuesday at the Thomas’ house, Kel and I were watching Meet the Robinsons, for which Kel’s mom jovially made fun of us. Hee. But it’s a good movie! Anyway, the notion of Keep Moving Forward is something I can use right about now. And I will be doing my best to keep it in mind. And yes, I am rolling my eyes at myself for trying to draw actual inspiration as a twenty six year old adult from a movie that is made for someone that is learning the intricacies of life via spelling bees and multiplication tables.

*Copyright Laura Benson 2009. All Rights Reserved.**

**What does All Rights Reserved mean?

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