the hilarity started thursday afternoon with the following text from my mother: "dad has his own email now - got tired of him reading my stuff". i can only imagine the conversations surriounding this, but it means that good ol' FTB has joined the year 20- actually...i was going to say 2011, but probably 1997 is more accurate.
please note: don't tell him i told you, and no, you can't have his email. the man that has never had an email until the year 2011 isn't exactly mr.-social-let's email-everyone. the fact that i'm even putting this on the intertubes would be enough to make him go apoplectic. but of course i'm still his daughter, so that's my job.
after learning this news, i rushed to my gmail to send him an email. my sentences were simple and slightly "seven year old learns sentence structure"-ish, which is weird, because why i thought my father on email meant he couldn't read or english was his second language, i don't know.
since then, i have gotten the two best emails i have ever received in my life. i've always known my father is hilarious and creative (i'm lucky to have a fraction of that), they are all those things combined with an incredible dorkiness and a complete inability to use the computer properly.
for example, he doesn't use the delete key. ever. if he accidentally hits caps lock - he keeps it in, then retypes the word properly, and then parenthetically explains what happened. the following are very real quotes:
"I just had a bowl of multi-grain Cheerios and two pieces of toast which I foung to be raTHER rather (I think I accidentally hit the Caps lock button because we...for one thing all caps appeared all of a sudden and for another thing another orange light thingy went on on the top right portion of the keyboard) tasty."
"Don't feel compelled to answer this e-mail, but of course it's a free country so you can do as you please."
"I went to Costco today and unfortunately they did not have frozen Greek yogurt bars, but I will continue ollking at each visit (perhaps I meant looking instead of ollking)."
"Tonight I'm going to grill some of the super long Costco hot dogs (they call them dinner franks, but that sounds kind of doofus-ey if you ask me (which nobody did but I really don't care)."
"om just saw your text message from Wednesday about your tontacts...that is LIKE TOTALLY AWESOME AND JUNK...lAURA aNNE (like I need to totally pay attention when i hit Cabslog so can un-do it when I'm ready to continue with my thought-streaming)..Laura Anne. OK. The first word in the paragraph should be Mom, not om. I don't know who om is. I DO KNOW WHAT ooohhhhhhhmmmm is in the sense of a Gregorian chant or something."
i still laugh so hard i cry every time i read them. good ol' frank.
(benson family note - he actually did mean to write "tontacts" - it's what i called contacts when i was little. and yeah, i got contacts! i wore them this past wednesday for the first time and it took me 45 minutes to get them in. i wore them today and it only took me 20. PROGRESS I HAZ IT)
**i originally wrote "i wrote them today..." hence meghan k. housley's comment, she is awesome and very smart!**