Taking a break from the melodramatic personal stuff to give you some personal silly info. Conan O'Brien is my favorite late-night comedy guy. Craig Ferguson is 2nd and getting closer and closer to Conan all the time. This helps.
Not sure if that one or this one is better... He's just so good when he's in the front, like above, but also shines in the background with his dancing and facial expressions like in the one below:
Also, I'm an American woman so I'm hardwired to love the man's (or any man's for that matter) Scottish accent.
5.19.2009
5.18.2009
in need of a distraction
You know how sometimes you're listening to a song, and all of a sudden it's like a line or two is almost audibly bolded? It's like your ears pick up on the way you've been feeling and they're like "PAY CLOSER ATTENTION, DUMMY" Was listening to Falling Slowly the other day, and this stuck out: "you have suffered enough, and warred with yourself, it's time that you won"....
Graduation was this weekend. I had an okay time. I think I was kinda weird all day Friday…I knew I was getting an award, and I also had to introduce an award. I can’t even be psyched about the award I got because literally 20 seconds of talking in a mic in front of a group and I get weird. I get really uneasy when I’m the focus of something; I really don’t handle it well when I know people are looking at me.
If I’m being honest, though, I actually am proud of everything I did while I was IN grad school. I did everything I wanted to do that I didn’t in undergrad. I achieved academically, I was involved in leadership in my program, my professors knew me, I studied abroad, I worked my ass off and made some phenomenal friends (I did this in undergrad, at least). The issue is that I hadn’t seen a lot of my fellow students in a while, some of them even since December before I really started eating my feelings and, when it was still sort of okay that I hadn’t found a job yet. But six months and an unmentionable amount of weight gain later, it was kind of hard to look people in the eye. Isn’t that sad? Yep.
I genuinely and thoroughly enjoy my fellow students and wish I could have found a way to enjoy it, but so much of it was about small talk. Small talk is the worst because you can’t be honest – which , for me, means updating everyone on how I’m upset with myself that I gained back ALL the weight I had lost (and maybe more, I don’t know) and look terrible, am completely broke, jobless with no prospects, and still living at home. So, honesty’s out of the picture, and I’ve got nothing else. It is REALLY deflating to have nothing in your life worth talking about, or to feel like you have nothing to talk about.
It just sucks that these times when I should be so proud of myself, are the times when I seem to hate myself the most. I can count on one hand (and have a few fingers left over) the things that make me happy right now; I need a few extra appendages to tally up of all the things and situations coming up that are going to make me feel awful, or more appropriately, that I’m going to let make me feel awful. This should be a really good month for me and I’ve never felt worse.
And not to go all meta on you, but to add to everything above, I know I’m being a complete baby about all this. I hate that all I can write about lately is whiny and self-involved and self-indulgent and all the self-hyphenated words that aren’t the good ones. I’m complaining about things that are in my direct control and an adult would just cowboy up and fix things. And everything I’m complaining about here is just the tip of the iceberg, of a mountain of shit. Mixed topographical metaphors included, I’m kind of disgusted with myself for it. So said disgust piles itself nicely onto the ever-increasing snowball of shame.
Maybe just getting all this out there is the first step in making it all better. I'm sick of dragging myself down, I'm sick of dragging everyone else down. I just need something to distract me. When I’m distracted from myself I’m happy. My friends distract me. A job would distract me. My dog distracts me. Sometimes my parents distract me. Diet coke distracts me (but I don’t think it distracts my tooth enamel, so, not good).
So, um, to give you some form of interaction on this one, what distracts you? The good kind of distractions, of course. Not, like, heroin.
Graduation was this weekend. I had an okay time. I think I was kinda weird all day Friday…I knew I was getting an award, and I also had to introduce an award. I can’t even be psyched about the award I got because literally 20 seconds of talking in a mic in front of a group and I get weird. I get really uneasy when I’m the focus of something; I really don’t handle it well when I know people are looking at me.
If I’m being honest, though, I actually am proud of everything I did while I was IN grad school. I did everything I wanted to do that I didn’t in undergrad. I achieved academically, I was involved in leadership in my program, my professors knew me, I studied abroad, I worked my ass off and made some phenomenal friends (I did this in undergrad, at least). The issue is that I hadn’t seen a lot of my fellow students in a while, some of them even since December before I really started eating my feelings and, when it was still sort of okay that I hadn’t found a job yet. But six months and an unmentionable amount of weight gain later, it was kind of hard to look people in the eye. Isn’t that sad? Yep.
I genuinely and thoroughly enjoy my fellow students and wish I could have found a way to enjoy it, but so much of it was about small talk. Small talk is the worst because you can’t be honest – which , for me, means updating everyone on how I’m upset with myself that I gained back ALL the weight I had lost (and maybe more, I don’t know) and look terrible, am completely broke, jobless with no prospects, and still living at home. So, honesty’s out of the picture, and I’ve got nothing else. It is REALLY deflating to have nothing in your life worth talking about, or to feel like you have nothing to talk about.
It just sucks that these times when I should be so proud of myself, are the times when I seem to hate myself the most. I can count on one hand (and have a few fingers left over) the things that make me happy right now; I need a few extra appendages to tally up of all the things and situations coming up that are going to make me feel awful, or more appropriately, that I’m going to let make me feel awful. This should be a really good month for me and I’ve never felt worse.
And not to go all meta on you, but to add to everything above, I know I’m being a complete baby about all this. I hate that all I can write about lately is whiny and self-involved and self-indulgent and all the self-hyphenated words that aren’t the good ones. I’m complaining about things that are in my direct control and an adult would just cowboy up and fix things. And everything I’m complaining about here is just the tip of the iceberg, of a mountain of shit. Mixed topographical metaphors included, I’m kind of disgusted with myself for it. So said disgust piles itself nicely onto the ever-increasing snowball of shame.
Maybe just getting all this out there is the first step in making it all better. I'm sick of dragging myself down, I'm sick of dragging everyone else down. I just need something to distract me. When I’m distracted from myself I’m happy. My friends distract me. A job would distract me. My dog distracts me. Sometimes my parents distract me. Diet coke distracts me (but I don’t think it distracts my tooth enamel, so, not good).
So, um, to give you some form of interaction on this one, what distracts you? The good kind of distractions, of course. Not, like, heroin.
5.04.2009
…and so begins Operation BTPBSEFAI*
(*Bury the Post Below So Everyone Forgets About It)
Nothing major to report, just a bunch of little tidbits.
+ Volunteering is going well. I’ve been into the office a few times but I’m mostly able to work from home, which is nice. I went on Tuesday of this past week and almost got locked in the enclave of the church in which the office is located, so, that was an interesting five minutes. Add that to the list of “Places Laura has almost gotten locked into” right after Department Store.
+ A sweet funny thing I overheard the other day:
A little girl and her equally young brother are racing to the front door of the library with their mom, who is walking and not really participating. The kids arrive to the door first…
Little girl: Mommy lost! Mommy lost! ...no, Mommy came in third place. Nobody lost.
Which reminds me…Tara and I walked around Town Center two Saturdays ago, and she was telling me how apparently the new trend in physical education is all about non-competitive activities, so everyone feels included and special and nobody is a “loser”. On one hand I’m all for it, but wouldn’t you also feel ridiculous if you spent class jump-roping WITHOUT a rope? Yeah. Not to go all Depression-Era Gramps on you, but in my day, we had hula hoop contests, dodgeball, kickball, races, that fucking Presidential Physical Fitness Test (at least the Shuttlerun was kind of entertaining) and I think we all turned out okay - if we're forgetting what I wrote last time, which, I am.
+ And speaking of Tara, this past Saturday we had a fun day in DC, at Passport DC! It was nice enough weather-wise and we wandered in and out of a handful of embassies including Trinidad and Tobago, Australia, Indonesia and a couple others. The were filled with food, music, dancing, culture, and lots of fun stuff. Fun times!
- SCARE of the CENTURY: So I recently applied to a job via USAJobs for this position with the National Gallery of Art. I was – I am – really really excited about it…and today (three days after the application closing date) I realized…I may not have sent them all the proper forms? I vageuly remember writing the requested information as part of the process, but now I’m second guessing it – did I really do it, or is my brain fabricating this memory to make myself feel better because I want this job so badly? The USAJobs application process is painful and kind of mindnumbing. I feel dumb. This is not good. I think I would be perfect for the job, and I really think it’s perfect for me…and now to not even be considered because of a stupid mistake, well, it stings.
...see how some of them are pluses and this last one is a minus?! See what I did there?! I'm sooooooooooo clever, I can't even handle it sometimes. So clever, that I fuck up great job opportunities. GAH I won't get a good night's sleep until this matter is cleared up. Erg.
Nothing major to report, just a bunch of little tidbits.
+ Volunteering is going well. I’ve been into the office a few times but I’m mostly able to work from home, which is nice. I went on Tuesday of this past week and almost got locked in the enclave of the church in which the office is located, so, that was an interesting five minutes. Add that to the list of “Places Laura has almost gotten locked into” right after Department Store.
+ A sweet funny thing I overheard the other day:
A little girl and her equally young brother are racing to the front door of the library with their mom, who is walking and not really participating. The kids arrive to the door first…
Little girl: Mommy lost! Mommy lost! ...no, Mommy came in third place. Nobody lost.
Which reminds me…Tara and I walked around Town Center two Saturdays ago, and she was telling me how apparently the new trend in physical education is all about non-competitive activities, so everyone feels included and special and nobody is a “loser”. On one hand I’m all for it, but wouldn’t you also feel ridiculous if you spent class jump-roping WITHOUT a rope? Yeah. Not to go all Depression-Era Gramps on you, but in my day, we had hula hoop contests, dodgeball, kickball, races, that fucking Presidential Physical Fitness Test (at least the Shuttlerun was kind of entertaining) and I think we all turned out okay - if we're forgetting what I wrote last time, which, I am.
+ And speaking of Tara, this past Saturday we had a fun day in DC, at Passport DC! It was nice enough weather-wise and we wandered in and out of a handful of embassies including Trinidad and Tobago, Australia, Indonesia and a couple others. The were filled with food, music, dancing, culture, and lots of fun stuff. Fun times!
- SCARE of the CENTURY: So I recently applied to a job via USAJobs for this position with the National Gallery of Art. I was – I am – really really excited about it…and today (three days after the application closing date) I realized…I may not have sent them all the proper forms? I vageuly remember writing the requested information as part of the process, but now I’m second guessing it – did I really do it, or is my brain fabricating this memory to make myself feel better because I want this job so badly? The USAJobs application process is painful and kind of mindnumbing. I feel dumb. This is not good. I think I would be perfect for the job, and I really think it’s perfect for me…and now to not even be considered because of a stupid mistake, well, it stings.
...see how some of them are pluses and this last one is a minus?! See what I did there?! I'm sooooooooooo clever, I can't even handle it sometimes. So clever, that I fuck up great job opportunities. GAH I won't get a good night's sleep until this matter is cleared up. Erg.
4.23.2009
4.16.2009
You’ll always remember…
…where you were (mentally or physically) in that moment, no matter what it was that changed for you – that maybe you didn’t know the world as well as you thought, the loss of innocence in a place or a person, the guilt of not being there, or maybe even if you’re lucky, a happy turn of events – whether it’s devastating or uplifting news, you’ll always remember.
Of course, we all have happy and sad moments that stay with us, but these particular events I’m talking about, these are different. It’s not just the event or the place, but that feeling. We all have them. I think a pretty common one is 9/11. I also have the following day I found out my childhood friend Tori had committed suicide, the night I found out Joe Gibbs was coming back as the Redskins head coach, and 4/16. I know the ‘Skins thing is a bit ridiculous, but I’m just grateful I have a good event in there.
On 9/11 I had been in college for all of two weeks. I remember waking up and like any other morning, reading friends’ AIM Away Messages...everybody knows what happens next. The day after I found out about Tori was the first time I dealt with the fact that the world keeps on moving even when you think it shouldn’t. Not everybody knew, but it was unfathomable to me that time wasn’t standing still. I honestly didn’t get it.
The night I found out Joe Gibbs was coming back as head coach, I was visiting Adam Temple and Bmo’s apartment (at the time) in Fairfax. Becky Porter, possibly Amy Rowland, and maybe a couple other girls were there, I can’t exactly remember. But I remember sitting in the living room, and Adam comes rushing in from his room with this look of unbelievable excitement. It still makes me smile thinking about it. He made the announcement, enunciating each word like he was even trying to convince himself, and we all jumped up and ran into his room to scour the Internet for more information. It was a good night.
Two years ago today, it was a regular Monday at work. I had come home the day before from a weekend trip to Blacksburg. That weekend was absolutely perfect and everything a weekend at Tech usually is. I was a little sad to be back at work, but still in that happy place that only VT can produce. Then my coworker Alpha (who is a VT alum as well) sent me an email with a link to a CNN web site detailing the events as they knew them at that time. The day went from there. Then came weeks, and now, years.
I debated mentioning something about today's anniversary, because I don’t know where to draw the line between showing I remember and care, and showing I remember and care by letting it go. If that makes sense. But I got an email the other day that my VT Filebox (the website VT gives you as a student to hold files, pictures, etc) is being deleted next month, and I don’t know. Going through those pictures makes me feel like this is a day worth remembering through recollection and celebration of a place that will always be home.
Remembering the time Lesley wouldn’t let me into her room until I said 23 nice things about her. I had to list the 23 to a seemingly uninterested door before I was let in. Or the utter ridiculousness that was everything about my participation in PSE, but that did give me the gift of some very special people that have a solid hold on my heart. Or the palpable energy of every single football game.
Anyway, this is all a long way of saying I love Virginia Tech. I am now and always a Hokie.
Of course, we all have happy and sad moments that stay with us, but these particular events I’m talking about, these are different. It’s not just the event or the place, but that feeling. We all have them. I think a pretty common one is 9/11. I also have the following day I found out my childhood friend Tori had committed suicide, the night I found out Joe Gibbs was coming back as the Redskins head coach, and 4/16. I know the ‘Skins thing is a bit ridiculous, but I’m just grateful I have a good event in there.
On 9/11 I had been in college for all of two weeks. I remember waking up and like any other morning, reading friends’ AIM Away Messages...everybody knows what happens next. The day after I found out about Tori was the first time I dealt with the fact that the world keeps on moving even when you think it shouldn’t. Not everybody knew, but it was unfathomable to me that time wasn’t standing still. I honestly didn’t get it.
The night I found out Joe Gibbs was coming back as head coach, I was visiting Adam Temple and Bmo’s apartment (at the time) in Fairfax. Becky Porter, possibly Amy Rowland, and maybe a couple other girls were there, I can’t exactly remember. But I remember sitting in the living room, and Adam comes rushing in from his room with this look of unbelievable excitement. It still makes me smile thinking about it. He made the announcement, enunciating each word like he was even trying to convince himself, and we all jumped up and ran into his room to scour the Internet for more information. It was a good night.
Two years ago today, it was a regular Monday at work. I had come home the day before from a weekend trip to Blacksburg. That weekend was absolutely perfect and everything a weekend at Tech usually is. I was a little sad to be back at work, but still in that happy place that only VT can produce. Then my coworker Alpha (who is a VT alum as well) sent me an email with a link to a CNN web site detailing the events as they knew them at that time. The day went from there. Then came weeks, and now, years.
I debated mentioning something about today's anniversary, because I don’t know where to draw the line between showing I remember and care, and showing I remember and care by letting it go. If that makes sense. But I got an email the other day that my VT Filebox (the website VT gives you as a student to hold files, pictures, etc) is being deleted next month, and I don’t know. Going through those pictures makes me feel like this is a day worth remembering through recollection and celebration of a place that will always be home.
Remembering the time Lesley wouldn’t let me into her room until I said 23 nice things about her. I had to list the 23 to a seemingly uninterested door before I was let in. Or the utter ridiculousness that was everything about my participation in PSE, but that did give me the gift of some very special people that have a solid hold on my heart. Or the palpable energy of every single football game.
Anyway, this is all a long way of saying I love Virginia Tech. I am now and always a Hokie.
4.15.2009
new link
So as you can see I finally got around to adding the ol' links back, after what people on the streets are calling "LauraisadumbassinregardstochangingherblogGate" and/or "Don'tthinkyouknowanythingaboutHTMLcodingforblogtemplatesbecauseyoudont 09"**
I just added a new one, 1000 Awesome Things. It's, well, awesome. Also, bonus, their links are great. So, win-win-win.
**It's clear no one on the street is very good at catastrophe-naming. I don't think either of those will gain popularity, nor will they get any press if for no reason other than incredibly non-catchy names.
I just added a new one, 1000 Awesome Things. It's, well, awesome. Also, bonus, their links are great. So, win-win-win.
**It's clear no one on the street is very good at catastrophe-naming. I don't think either of those will gain popularity, nor will they get any press if for no reason other than incredibly non-catchy names.
4.12.2009
late to the party
My latest topic o’uselessness on twitter was being late to parties. Not real parties, of course, but the proverbial ones. You know what I mean. As I was watching the last two episodes of Season 4 of The Wire today, I was thinking to myself how incredibly good this show is…and then I thought of how people were saying that seven years ago.
The more I thought about it, I realized I can’t think of a single TV show (with multiple seasons under its belt, still broadcasting or cancelled) that I love and have watched from day one. I think the closest I’ve come is 30 Rock, but even then I missed a good chunk of the first season. I was busy thinking Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip was the good “behind the comedy sketch show scene” show*. Hm. But really, let’s examine this: Sports Night. LOST. How I Met Your Mother. Arrested Development. Family Guy. The Office. Flight of the Conchords. It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. West Wing. Big Love. Some of these I jumped on a season or two in, some of them not even until they were over. For several years.
I make the specification of multiple seasons just because we don’t know how things will play out, and (*)clearly I have television judgement issues. Shows may start out great but then they start sucking: Desperate Housewives. Or shows that I loved only made it through one season, if that: Justice. Or a combination of both: The Nine. Six. Perhaps other numbered shows.
I don’t fare much better with music. I’m a huge fan of Ray Lamontagne, but didn’t discover him until right before his second album came out. I love Jimmy Eat World but I didn’t catch on to them until, geez, their fourth album, I think? Anyway I can think of very few bands that I have found without recommendation from others, or seeing them in a public forum considered to book successful artists. Though if Coconut Records (Jason Schwartzman) becomes more commercially successful, we can forget this whole paragraph. Or at least I’ll have one example to the contrary of the general theme I’m portraying here.
Though I guess it’s a little more difficult to say “you knew them when” for bands/musical acts. With TV shows, they are either made or they aren’t. You can’t have varying levels of “underground” with TV shows. I guess the closest you would come to such a thing is what they call a cult following? With music, you can argue you saw an act live before an album ever came out, or an independently produced album or record only had like 30 sales or some such craziness, or hell, you saw them on VH1’s “You Outta Know”. I don’t know.
I’ve only mentioned TV and music, but certainly there are books* and movies* too.
What I’m trying to find out is, am I the only one that is late to any and seemingly all pop culture parties? Or have you been the first and only guest to arrive at a party that sunk harder than the Titanic?
*Didn’t start reading Harry Potter until Book 4 had come out. *Didn’t see Shawshank Redemption until maybe three years ago.
The more I thought about it, I realized I can’t think of a single TV show (with multiple seasons under its belt, still broadcasting or cancelled) that I love and have watched from day one. I think the closest I’ve come is 30 Rock, but even then I missed a good chunk of the first season. I was busy thinking Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip was the good “behind the comedy sketch show scene” show*. Hm. But really, let’s examine this: Sports Night. LOST. How I Met Your Mother. Arrested Development. Family Guy. The Office. Flight of the Conchords. It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. West Wing. Big Love. Some of these I jumped on a season or two in, some of them not even until they were over. For several years.
I make the specification of multiple seasons just because we don’t know how things will play out, and (*)clearly I have television judgement issues. Shows may start out great but then they start sucking: Desperate Housewives. Or shows that I loved only made it through one season, if that: Justice. Or a combination of both: The Nine. Six. Perhaps other numbered shows.
I don’t fare much better with music. I’m a huge fan of Ray Lamontagne, but didn’t discover him until right before his second album came out. I love Jimmy Eat World but I didn’t catch on to them until, geez, their fourth album, I think? Anyway I can think of very few bands that I have found without recommendation from others, or seeing them in a public forum considered to book successful artists. Though if Coconut Records (Jason Schwartzman) becomes more commercially successful, we can forget this whole paragraph. Or at least I’ll have one example to the contrary of the general theme I’m portraying here.
Though I guess it’s a little more difficult to say “you knew them when” for bands/musical acts. With TV shows, they are either made or they aren’t. You can’t have varying levels of “underground” with TV shows. I guess the closest you would come to such a thing is what they call a cult following? With music, you can argue you saw an act live before an album ever came out, or an independently produced album or record only had like 30 sales or some such craziness, or hell, you saw them on VH1’s “You Outta Know”. I don’t know.
I’ve only mentioned TV and music, but certainly there are books* and movies* too.
What I’m trying to find out is, am I the only one that is late to any and seemingly all pop culture parties? Or have you been the first and only guest to arrive at a party that sunk harder than the Titanic?
*Didn’t start reading Harry Potter until Book 4 had come out. *Didn’t see Shawshank Redemption until maybe three years ago.
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