formal family, the squeakuel

from: LB
to: frank

subject: hello father!

dearest sir,

i am writing today to inquire if any events or galas will occur this weekend, when carolyn elizabeth farrington benson will be having the anniversary of the day of her birth. 

warm regards,

laura anne benson

---------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Frank

to: LB

subject: Re: hello father!

dearest mademoiselle benson,

 

I am responding to your inquiry of 30 December regarding your mother's birthday celebration.  I am anticipating a small intimate gathering (you, me, pepper and the guest of honor).  If you would like to bring a birthday dessert of some kind (store bought would be wonderful, I'm sure -carrot cake, cherry pie, cupcakes bombe surprise-whatever floateth thy boat).

 

As far as the day goes, I'm guessing Saturday would be appropriate, considering that is her birthday.

 

warmest felicitations,

 

father

i have a masters degree

taking a work break this afternoon, i was reading an article on gawker about flu vaccine myths.

one of them was:

Myth #11: Flu vaccines cause narcolepsy

...for the BRIEFEST OF SECONDS i confused narcolepsy with necrophilia.

...I KNOW.

...which, other than my stupidity, is actually kind of hilarious as its own myth.

...you guys, flu vaccines cause necrophilia. pass it on. someone tell the cdc.

so formal...

this email exchange is ridiculous and i love everything about it:

from: LB
to: dad
subject: oh, hello, frank

"HI! it's me, your daughter! just thought i'd send a note to see if you guys were going to be around on saturday? thought i might come by and visit for a bit :)

cordially,

 

laura anne benson"

 

---------------------------------------------------------------

 

from: dad

to: LB

subject: RE: oh, hello, frank

 

oh, hello daughter unit, also known as laura anne benson (the magnificent)

it's me your father! responding to your electronic communication (using my personal google machine, as it happens).

yes, we will be home on Saturday and we would love to see you :) how about that fancy sideways smiley face?

 affectionately,

frank tipton benson jr

 

-----------------------------------------------------------

 

from: mom

to: LB

subject: RE: oh, hello, frank

 

Dear daughter

I too am excited by your upcoming visit!!! It will be delightful to see you again!

Your loving mother,

Carolyn Elizabeth Farrington Benson

 

----------------------------------------------------------

 

from: LB

to: mom; dad

subject: RE: oh, hello, frank

 

Well my goodness gracious, aren't we the Formal Family!

 

Consider this my official RSVP to attend a Benson familial gathering at Twenty-One-Ninety Pond View Court on Saturday, August Third, Two Thousand and Thirteen in the Year of Our Lord.

 

----------------------------------------------------------

 

I am really looking forward to the response.

 

procrastination, thy name is spotify.

i think at this point, everyone knows i'm obsessed with spotify premium. who knew losing my ipod on a plane two years ago would beget such a wonderful relationship. i've made a christmas rap playlist, because, yuletide greetings, bitches.  i've made kk and dan's wedding playlist. i love how easy it is to create weird, spontaneous playlists and not feel guilty b/c of that beautiful flat fee.

everyone ALSO knows i procrastinate something fierce. that's what i'm doing here today. avoiding doing work i don't want to do...and giving you a glimpse into what i'm listening to on spotify these days:*

1. blurred lines (robin thicke ft. ti and pharrell) - i know, "rapey". but also, DANCE-Y. sorry I'm not sorry.

2. cassiopeia (sara bareilles) - when i first heard this song, i was sort of confused. the intro was weird. and then like 653467 plays later, i realized i sort of love it. it's a bit odd, but the right kind of odd, plus i could listen to her sing forever. FOREVER.

3. shake senora (pitbull, t-pain sean paul) - i made a playlist for missy of rap/hip-hop songs from that 1996-2004 spot, and this is one of the songs i included. full disclosure: this song is from 2011, i don't really remember listening to this song, but oh, the ass-shaking possibilities. full disclosure part two: I'VE NEVER SEEN BEETLEJUICE.

4. caravan (van morrison) - the only reason i'm listening to this song or know of it at all is because i was going through a west wing kick, and in one scene, amy and josh are in her apt and she is dancing around to this song. i liked it, so some googl-ing later, and it's made the cut.

5. i want you back (tyler ward) - i'm on a kick of indie covers of pop/rock/80s songs. tyler ward comes up a lot. i like this particular cover a lot.

6. anything from the lonely island's new album (the wack album) - protip: don't listen to it on public transportation or at the gym. you'll try to stifle laughter and look a bit bonkers.

welp, turns out my coworkers want to get froyo, so i'mma go do that and continue to not do the work i really should be doing but don't want to. because, work ethic.





*you could probably follow me on spotify too, but then you'd find out about that nate dogg playlist i have, so, maybe for the sake of you continuing to respect me as a person....don't.

don't quit your day job, brain.

so, i dreamt an SNL sketch last night. spoiler alert: it was terrible.

i should start by saying - you know when you're having a dream, and in your dream-brain, something is understood but never actually explained? so, in my dream-brain, justin timberlake does a year-end SNL sketch that covers the year in tv/pop culture. so this was that sketch.

the cast:

harriet winslow
carl winslow
some white woman i can't remember (SWWICR)
alec baldwin as jack donaghy
tina fey as liz lemon
chris parnell as leo spaceman
tracey morgan as tracey jordan
judge reinhold as apparently some other doctor? i'm not clear on who he was.
janel moloney as donna moss
billy crystal as....harry? god only knows. i'm not clear on who he was either.
tim robbins as...tim robbins? possibly his character from anchorman.

the scene: jack's office

liz/tina: "wow jack, i can't believe the year is over, and i had no overview of this sketch and cannot approve anything i say to you."

alec/jack - says something i don't remember, but something like "i'm really gonna miss this office, kind of like how no one watches this show anymore"

this is where things really went off the rails....

judge reinhold comes in with tracey and chris parnell and they greet liz/tina and alec/jack -

it's now somehow turned into judge reinhold's office (in my dream-brain, it's an ongoing gag in 30 rock that he has an office but they only show the door, never the office)

judge reinhold: says something like "i'm excited to have an office!!"

tracey:  freaks out "YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE AN OFFICE!

leo spaceman/chris parnell: says something about spaceman says now he only gets two doors that open in on each other but no office (...i have no fucking clue)

somehow, then, the following join the room:

harriet winslow
billy crystal
carl winslow
SWWICR
tim robbins


tim robbins: "someone's been having an affair!"

everyone gasps

carl winslow steps forward and looks at SWWICR: "we've been having a chocolate and vanilla thing going on, it happened the night after the election"

harriet: "well, we've also got a chocolate and vanilla-"

billy crystal interrupts: "no, we've got a vanilla and hershey kiss thing going on here..."

*everyone looks uncomfortable*

donna/janel walks in and lays down on a couch that is now in this office, set in front of everyone, and sighs: "we've got a josh and donna thing going on too, and it's like the additive they put in bacon, it makes you sexy, smart, good at math and you can't get enough"

------------------------------

.....yeah. so, there's that. my brain wrote a terrible comedy sketch. or, more accurately, my brain ghost-wrote a comedy sketch for justin timberlake, because it was technically his. blame him.

the pop culture round-up that apparently is my subconscious:

*family matters
*west wing
*arrested development (judge reinhold reference)
*30 rock
*when harry met sally? city slickers? billy crystal in general? no idea how he got in there.
*anchorman (tim robbins was basically his public news team persona from anchorman, i think, the way he delivered his line)

somebody is full of himself.

oh, frank. part 23495

car commercial voiceover: "what do you want to leave behind for your children?"

mom: "a million dollars!"
**simultanously**
dad: "a mountain of debt!"